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HIM.
The shock realization that the unfolding truth was so stark. I could not escape the facts. My life was, would be dramatically shortened. In simple terms, time was running out. SO, poise the question. Is it natural to suggest such madness? Insensitive?
‘Who would be the one, whose name would be on your lips, with your last breath. Crazy. I mean, could there be such a person? Maybe to some the woman you’re married to for over 40 years or your mother. .Your?
But inside, deep down, I knew. Stirred my senses, the memories of HER. THE ONE girl who over the years had remained in my heart, in my thoughts, on my breath. HER. Who I had watched from the shadows, in HER growing circle. Never seeming to get out of that loop. The dream. The desire. The journey. The crap that follows in its wake from those who steer her back into HER circle.
Using HER, abandoning HER to the tears, the failure of someone, who from the first time I had met HER, had fallen under HER spell, the moment I heard HER sing. Like some Siren. Pulling me in. Locking me in and my knowing, despite all that happened in my life, one thing would remain forever constant, unchanging. My love for HER, HER voice.
That moment when I would confess. It would be HER, who would be on my lips, with my dying breath. Links to HER web, so that fans could see WHY. Could understand my love, my respect, my admiration for the girl, HER, who had been so determined, so resilient, so full of life. Hard working and despite all that happened was still trying?
Yet what did she, HER do? Trash me publicly on Facebook. Cruel, mean, insensitive. NEVER saying sorry for what she had done, laughing at my simplistic honesty for admitting that she, HER, would be the one, whose name would be on my lips with my dying breath?
She brought it, wrapped me in it. Maybe I had prodded at the real HER, brought it to the fore and had HER realize I had exposed the truth to show the REALITY of all she had become. Mean, cruel, aggressive, paranoid? In HER circle going nowhere!
A loser? Why did I feel the same rage? The same fury? The desire to make HER pay for what she had done, said? To take the storm she had created, to turn all that negative energy back in on HER.
I didn’t know that she, HER would get inside me, rip me apart and throw me to the winds. It was not my heart she was after, she, HER, already had that.
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